Wandering Away

i wander...

there is a place somewhere,

a place where happiness belongs

with smiles galore and giggles unstiffled, 

it is a magical land

there is much beauty to behold, 

unlimited joys and laughter.

i wonder... 

this land that is yonder

will really hold the treasures unlimited for me.

wonderous mysterious lands to discover

where i meet faries and elves and talking trees.

candies and cream and bubbles

unbelievable joys it will unravel.

i wonder as i wander....

The Burnt Candle

A burnt candle.

How many have written about me

Tried to glorify me, my existence

Even glorify my end?

Sometimes I wonder

what an imagination to entice,

To embrace an end as gory as mine.

Would you, sir, the wondrous man of the world

Yes you sir, one who wrapped in such finery,

sits and watches with rapt attention my demise

Let me flutter, as do the wings of my beloved.

Let us dance together for one last time

before I singe her and darkness snuff me out.

Would you sir, make a pact with darkness

forever to spare some moments of my spent life?

Would it make sense to your undeniable intellect?

For, you would with ease light yet another one.

For me, this is the end.

End of a lifetime.

End of one chance.

End of a love story.

End as yet another burnt candle.

Musings of a restless soul

A pulsating truth adorns my being...

the truth that breaks the tranquility of my soul...

the same truth that provides my soul with the spark to ignite...

yet the very truth that burns through my existence...

I look for answers as the questions haunt me,

and right then when the answers are within my reach,

the questions change.

is it the fragility of my being that

each fluttering feather disturbs the tranquility of my soul?

And with each ripple, i fight more questions,

I seek the answers yet hidden from me....

and for all the reasons I absorb,

deeper tragidies are born and

I lose yet again some more of that madness....

Madness that formed the essence of my existence,

now getting lost in the burdens of that very existence,

those that rupture my meditations

leaving a stark truth clearer than ever before that

there is no truth...

Silence

Trudging along with

Lead laden feet

The Heart yields.

A heavy sigh

The wind blows away

A tear glistens

A whisper stays.

Locked hands

Sealed lips

A prayer wills to escape

Overpowering dejection

Silence prevails.

Closed doors

Eyes tight shut

Darkness crawls in

No escape.

A glance down the road

Bated breath

Dusk sets in

No footsteps

The silence prevails.

The glistening drop falls

Loneliness is complete.

The Little Girl

today i met a little girl,
so hopeful and so happy..
today i met a little girl
oh she was so lovable and chirpy...
i thought i knew the little girl,
she sounded so familiar...
i thought i met the little girl
but that was  much earlier...
i wanted to talk to the little girl,
she smiled as she looked at me,
i thought i saw the little girl,
laugh at my life's irony...
i thought i heard the little girl,
teach me how to live...
i thought i felt the little girl,
did for all these years me forgive..
i thought i'd ask the little girl,
to tell me what it meant...
i thought she told me, that little girl,
she felt i should have lived...
i thought that the little girl,
did in the end show me the truth...
i thought i let the little girl,
show me that even realities are full of mirth...
i thought i'd escape the little girl,
so i left her before she could...
i thought i killed forever the little girl,
forgetting come back she would...
i thought i conjured the little girl,
for i never knew what i should...
i thought it was a lie, the little girl,
for it was me in my childhood...
there were those promises i made to the little girl,
there was a life to live...
the truth it was never mine,oh my dear girl
i gave more than i had to give...
i killed her for my love i did,
i killed her with my own bare hands...
i wrought her neck, i twisted it,
she lost, was my love so grand?
you would want me for manslaughter,
you would want me dead...
you wouldn't want to know what happened,
coz you wouldn't believe what you read...
i loved the little girl so much,
oh it hurt me it really did...
i killed the little girl myself,
before by others she was killed,
i don't blame, no not one for that
i did all of it decide...
the little girl that once had lived,
did truly in me reside...
a little girl, she was so naive,
she did in dreams believe...
she thought the world was what it seemed,
she did to each, all her give...
the little girl so bruised and hurt,
i just could not let her live...
and so i left the little girl,
please if you could, me forgive...

A Life

A lifetime of hurt in her eyes,
A lifetime of pain, a life time of lies.
A lifetime that screams of betrayal,
A lifetime of dreams unreal.

A lifetime of promises unkept,
A lifetime of blows dealt.
A lifetime of vows broken,
A lifetime of words unspoken.

A lifetime filled with regret,
A lifetime of tears shed.
A lifetime of dreams shattered,
A lifetime of feelings battered.

A lifetime so unwanted,
A lifetime of ties unbonded.
A lifetime of pain, a life time of lies,
A lifetime of hurt in her eyes.

A Fool's Confession

Dreams are but dreams...fickle minded imagination creating some very extraordinary bouts of hope...hope that the world is as simple as you see it...even when reality strikes with full force, a slap bang across the face, a wake up call you can't ignore....yet stupid stupid heart refuses to listen... there is so much pain, so much loss and yet it pays no heed.... there is no reason, no logic to such things..... As they say "heart does things for reasons, reason can't understand".........

एक रात

कल रात एक जाम के ऊपर 

उनसे मुलाक़ात हुई 

आँखों से कुछ लफ्ज़ कहे

हर लफ्ज़ में एक बात हुई

अजनबी सी शक्सियत थी 

अजनबी रहने की दरकार हुई

एक कांपती सी लोह थी

कांपती बातों की ज़ंजीर हुई

उस एक पल की जैसे साज़िश थी 

खुद में ज़िन्दगी समेटने की 

और उस एक पल से लिपट जाने की 

आरजू भी खूब हुई

इस रात का कोई अंजाम ना हो

दिल की यह फरियाद हुई

कुछ में बहुत कुछ कहने की तम्मना 

लफ़्ज़ों से अनजान, जस्बातों में हर बात हुई

एक कशिश सी ख्वाब बनके

कुछ ऐसे ज़ेहन में उतर गयी

उस रात में जैसे क़ैद सारी ख्वाहिशें 

बस यादें बन महबूब हुई 

Whispered Wish

It was a bright summer day, yet rain fell on, large drops as if lashing out in anger. The sun was soon to be shadowed, a vicious harbinger of times to be. Yet she had no inkling of what fate had in store for her, what storm would wreck her life as this one ended. She was innocent, so pure, her belief in every thing was complete, so perfect, so unwavering.

She believed life was beautiful and love was what fed it. She believed that caring was living and love, defined it. Wrapped in her own little dream world, little did she know it would all come crashing down. And while she would be left with pieces to pick, it would be those she loved that would cause the pain. Everything gambled for pure selfish pleasure. It was dark and vile and yet it was what was to be.

Life is unfair they used to tell her, yet she believed in its parity. Love can hurt they would tell her, she only believed it healed. She said she wasn't afraid of shadows, the darkness of which they spoke, for her life was full of light, she was only grateful for the man she loved.

But Cupid doesn't last for long, and Gods can be merciless too. Beautiful times don't last, They can be cruel, cruel with all their might. And as she saw the darkness, the pain that came with it, standing desolate, with a shadow cast upon her dreams.

She still had but one wish, she wished that man would have just understood her, love was a far cry off.

A Lifetime

A perfect day,
a perfect smile,
a perfect start.

Wishful eyes,
bated breath,
dreamy touch.

Sinful wait,
daring questions,
incomplete answers.

Untold truths,
screaming lies,
complete betrayal.

A perfect night,
a perfect tear,
a perfect end.

एक लहर

कैसा है ये बंधन, जो बनने से पहले टूट जाता है?
कैसी गांठ है यह, जो बंधने से पहले खुल जाती है?
कैसी है यह ख़ामोशी, जो हर सच बयां करती है?
कैसा है यह लम्हा जिसमे सारी ज़िन्दगी बिखर जाती  है?

क्यों हर लहर धरा से मिलने से पहले सिमट जाती है?
क्यों समुन्दर को आशियाँ बना, धरती से को ललचाती है?
यही मर्ज़ी है इस उफनती लहर की, तो क्यों ये इतना मचलती है?
क्यों करती है कोशिश माटी एक कतरे में सामने की?

यह कैसा नाता है बेनाम जिसे कायनात जोड़ती और तोड़ती रहती है?
क्यों इस सन्नाटे को चीरता शोर किसी को सुनाई नहीं देता?
एक पल में हर दर्द किस गहराई में डूब जाता है,
इन लभों पर एक झूठी हँसी खेलने लगती है

और रह जाता है जीवन का एक सच - की यह लहर फिर लौटेगी,
 फिर इस समुन्द्र की गहरायिओं से निकल कर
फिर इस धरा में सिमट जाने को तरसेगी और तब तक मचलेगी
जब तक यह धरा उसे अपना न ले या उसमे समां ना जाये.

Memories

The creaking door leads into an empty courtyard.
The floor is strewn with leaves that have grown crisp with age.
Nothing seems out of place. Yet, none where it was left.
It's all one big picture.
So complete in all its completeness.
It does not feel strange.
No, not strange at all,
for this is not the only that has been ravaged by time.
The clock has ticked on, ages have gone by
still here are smells as fresh as yesterday.
It is what I dream of, a sincere dream,
still only a figment of my imagination.
A single thread that refuses to break, I refuse to let go.
A faint whisper talks about the days gone by -
beautiful, painful, dreams, realities all woven together.
There are those that came true,
there are those that were shattered.
There are those that stayed mine,
there are those that were snatched away.
Each plays before my eyes as I walk on.
There are no complaints, no resigned ambitions now.
What remains is a longing to live it all again,
a hollow desire, an empty wish.

Conversation

There is a sweet nothingness about the way you make me feel,

a gentleness so unknown to me,

a pursuance so alien

Yet you make me more familiar to myself than I can ever be.

Sometimes I know you and at others I don't

Sometimes I think we belong to each other

still there are more that take you away

You, my enigma, are my solution.

Your presence hovering over me

governing my every move, even my breath

your love, your emotions, your fear, all so palpable.

We both sense it, a distance grows and I hate it.

There is so much to say -

so many words, phares, sentences

all suddenly go so quaint and ridiculous before you

Few make any sense and it seems I have never cared.

My silence is my witness

when your thoughts rush in the dead of nights.

I may never own it, it may not seem true

It is in my own ways I have cared and I still do.

There is no logic to these things

I have heard them say and have come to believe so too.

Your life runs by reason

For me you are reason enough.

Bonds and Bondages

purple, yellow, red, orange, pink

a multitude of colors

today, tomorrow, forever..

then Black

radiant music, sinful ecstasy

a cacophony

today, tomorrow, forever..

then Silence

sweet, sour, bitter, smooth

an essence

today, tomorrow, forever..

then Platitude

mirth, tears, frowns

a desire

today, tomorrow, forever..

then Distance

In search of a name

I wrote these lines the other day, they simply flowed out of me as I sat through one of my lectures. It has been a couple of days since I wrote them but what kept me from posting was search of a title for them. But as it is I still am at a loss and hence am posting them without one. Suggestions are welcome :)

Aankhon ne dekha ek chehra, to nagma tarash liya

khwabon mein tasveer ko kuch aise saja liya,

ki banda bhool gaya hakikat ke faslon ko,

har aansun ko khushi ke moti bana gaya.

Aisa sitam na kare khuda koi khudi par,

ki khwabon ko apni sachai samajh kar,

Khud se naaraz hone ki itni khata kar jaye

ki guzaare zindagi fir unhi nagmon se mehroom ho kar.

Iktara

This post is not something that I created. It is just a song that has really touched me, after a very long time a song came so close to my heart, so couldn't help putting it here for my memories...

Orey manva tu to bavra hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bavre
Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte

Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raastein

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Sun rahi hoon sudh budh khoke koi main kahani
Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata
Main to kisiki hoke yeh bhi na jaani
Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rehgi sada
kise hai pata… kise hai pata

Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raastein

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

.....................................................

A Comatose Life

When do the tears stop?

When does the heart refrain?

The flow of question never ebbs,

Then does the search for answers ever begin?

There is a different beauty to life,

Even when the heart is dull

As the senses feel nothing but are

Everything just stays still.

The color of the lenses lie altered

it is a different hue I see.

Still my lips do turn to smile

I still laugh at the irony.

I wish to let go

what my heart still holds dear.

My being lies smeared in wrath and pain

As I still strive to forgive.

I am so tired.

Emotions have turned to emptiness.

My strength does fail me

I can no longer hold on.

Or is it because I no longer wish?

Why not the Grey?

Thoughts drive me crazy, for they never seem to end. They seem to pervade every bit of my being and then when I feel I am done there are some more. It’s most odd, for I wasn’t always so. Or was I?

It is strange when I sit and contemplate, strange ‘coz it is almost an assortment of contrasts. Black and white of everything, only the greys dull me out. But strangely the affinity for the two extremes is as strong as can be. It only leaves me wondering, where do I belong? I can’t understand the complexity of it all and simplification, I have realized, is not my cup of tea. Then where are the answers?

Often I wonder, is it just me? Or is it the age, as they say? Or is it that I think beyond my years as most would have me believe? I understand it not. But there is this that I do know. I sense many things that I should not, why I do not know. It is just that there is a pervasive feeling around us all that touches this one chord deep within me, a silent touch of emotion, unspoken, yet so profound. It is strange, as much to me as most of others feel if I ever talk about this.

There have been many times I have tried to reason things out, within myself, I realize it is imperative that this is the way I do it, for I can’t explain. No, it is beyond me, to even those that I most care for. It is ironic, how those same cannot but see, there is a light that shines, that tries to reach out to them. But there is a fear, a fear that is now there, that now destroys even the murmurs of realization, whispers of understanding to those that may need it most from this one end. May be there shall come a time again when these fears shall fade away, but till then no thought escapes the confines of the mind, shackles have been drawn deep inside and there are many that refuse to give in. There are no answers yet, there have been none.

And I wait on.

Unknown Horizons

Constant and yet not so,

the movement is too undefined.

The probable may come true,

but then probable it stays....

 

is it the ecstasy of the unknown,

or the fear of the defined?

what holds back the essence,

oddity is unbound.

 

Does it not surprise?

do no questions raise their ugly head?

how is it that it is yet so peaceful?

There must be a secret untold....

 

Then let not the slumber be broken,

there lies no meaning in it.

Let the words remain unspoken,

there lies peace withtin.

POWER

Turmoil beckons; 
Enticing rhythmically,
Reaching out for that, which yearns not to be his.

The façade of tranquility is just worn,
The purpose is well served. 
But not a spirit is left impervious, not a soul untouched.

Bear it well, misery it is not.
But there breathe those that draw not a happy breathe,
For breathing is not ample enough.

Why the evasion, is not love addictive enough?
But for those with shackles that blind their vision,
Its meaning is much altered.

There are those that are happy, for they love their peace.
There are those that are not, for they love not other's peace.
The world is breathing blacker; the latter creed rules.

Still life fights, there is much around.
For a bud denies the thorns the Power,
The Power to rule the heart.